A Dirty Pair of Pantaloons
by Shootingstar7123
Summary: When your dog finds a dirty pair of pantaloons on the road, you aren't sure who to give them to. How would each of your party members react to this particular gift?


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A Dirty Pair of Pantaloons

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Unnecessary disclaimer: None of the characters, storylines, or dialogue appearing in the video game, Dragon Age: Origins, belong to me.

Abstract: When your dog finds a dirty pair of pantaloons on the road, you aren't sure who to give them to. How would each of your party members react to this particular gift?

…

_Alistair_

You thrust something small and crumpled into his hands. He straightens out the object and a bewildered look crosses his face.

"What in Andraste's name—" he stops himself. "A dirty… pair of pantaloons?" he asks in a confused voice. You nod.

He doesn't want to hurt your feelings; he's more-or-less in love with you, after all. But why would his fellow Warden give him a pair of pantaloons? A _dirty_ pair of pantaloons?

"Thank you," he says carefully, wandering off towards his tent. Later you see him and the dog playing tug of war with what looks like a large dirty rag, and you never see those pantaloons again.

…

_Morrigan_

"If this is a joke, I do not see the humor in it." Her arms are crossed, refusing to take the item from you. She isn't sure what game you're playing, but she abhors games.

"You may not be aware," you tell her, "but in civilized society it's considered rude to reject a gift."

She gives you a withering look before turning away. "Then 'tis a good thing we are camping far from your 'civilized society'."

Every time you look at her for the rest of the day, she's glaring, and you're not sure if it's because of the earlier exchange, or if it's simply her winning personality.

Either way, you have no desire to be turned into a toad. You happily keep your distance.

…

_Leliana_

"What is this?" she asks curiously, unrolling the pantaloons and holding them up. She looks at you in surprise. "Is this your idea of nice underthings? They're filthy, and more importantly, completely out of fashion!"

"Out here in the mud it isn't practical to wear delicate things, but in Orlais our smallclothes were covered in lace and ribbon…" She goes on long after you've stopped listening, and by the time the fire has burned low, you are bored out of your mind and regretting that you ever got the idea to give her the damn pantaloons.

"Do you understand now?" she asks when she finishes, and you fear for what may happen if you say no.

You nod, and she hands them back to you. You look at the dirty pantaloons in your hands and back up to her. "What should I do with them?" you ask.

"Burn them," she says with a decisive nod.

Right. Burn them.

…

_Sten_

Sten stares at your gift with his brow furrowed. "What purpose do they serve?"

You blink. "They're pantaloons. You wear them underneath your clothing."

He eyes them, and then turns back to you with an accusing stare. "I cannot wear these. Why did you give them to me? What do you intend I do with them?"

"Um…" You scramble for ideas. "You could tie them around your shoulders and wear them like a cape." All he does is stare, so you continue. "They're white…ish. They could make a flag of surrender."

"Foolish," he says sternly. "Qunari do not surrender. Besides, why use them for something other than their purpose?"

You shrug. "Why not? You can use them for anything you want."

With that, he turns from you, still holding the pantaloons. Later that evening, you see him staring at them near the fire, as if he is contemplating the deepest meanings of the universe.

…

_Wynne_

"Hmph," Wynne mutters. "These are filthy!" She shakes her head at you. "Didn't anyone teach you how to properly wash your clothing?"

She takes your blank stare as a no, and drags you to the stream. When she's finished telling you all about soaps and spells and all manner of ways to keep things clean, she pulls the pantaloons out of the stream, bright white and good as new.

"There," she said, satisfied. "I hope you can keep them this way from now on."

She hands them to you and walks off, leaving you staring at the now-clean pantaloons in your hands. What are you supposed to do with them now?

You certainly aren't going to wear them.

…

_Zevran_

When you hand the pantaloons to Zevran, the look he gives you is one of surprise, disgust, and maybe just a hint of admiration.

"I think you have the wrong idea about me, Warden," he tells you, and you've got no idea what he's talking about.

He takes in your puzzled look and decides to clarify. "Though I would love to take you to bed, dear Warden, I do not believe we share the same… interests," he explains carefully, and hands the pantaloons back, brushing off his hands as if they have been sullied by simply touching them.

You are left contemplative, wondering what exactly he thought you wanted from him. If Zevran turned it down, it must be odd indeed.

…

_Oghren_

"Heh heh," he laughs. "So, did you, uh, just take these off?" Oghren asks, a twinkle in his eye.

Your eyes widen, but he goes on before you can interrupt. "You want me to… put them on, heh heh?" he asks, and he actually winks at you. "Meet you back at your tent, Warden."

You stare after him as he rushes to his own tent with the dirty pair of pantaloons, closing the flaps behind him.

You don't know exactly where this is going, but what you do know is that you are definitely not going back to your tent tonight.

…

_Shale_

"May I ask what it thinks a golem needs with a pair of pantaloons?" Shale questions.

You shrug. "It's a gift? You can do whatever you want with them, Shale."

It's hard to discern a golem's expression, but you are sure she is looking on you with disdain. "Why did it give them to me, then?"

You sigh in frustration—clearly this was a bad idea. But then, a thought comes to you.

"Well, _I _didn't know what to do with them. And since you golems are superior to us fleshy things, I thought you could figure it out."

Shale seems suspicious, but she doesn't give the pantaloons back. You take that as a good sign.

…

_Dog_

You aren't sure why you are giving the dirty pantaloons back to your dog, since he was the one who found them, after all.

But he wags his tail when you toss them at him, and drags the things around like a trophy the rest of the day.

The next morning, he offers the dirty pantaloons to Alistair. Though Alistair looks puzzled and more than a bit disgusted (the pantaloons are now slobbery as well as dirty), your dog looks overjoyed.

Seeing Alistair try to thank the dog for a slobbery, dirty pair of pantaloons is definitely the highlight of your day.

You can't help giving your dog an extra treat in appreciation, but when he starts bringing you other things he finds on the road, you wonder what you've gotten yourself into.

You aren't sure what to do with a soggy cake, but Alistair seems like a safe bet, right?

…


End file.
